It happens. We have good moments and difficult moments (or days or weeks). When I first came to Africa, a missionary here encouraged us to refrain from facebooking/tweeting/announcing during emotional highs. Give them time. I'm grateful for this advice. As I reflect on the past three months of Africa-living, I smile at God's grace and mercy. Life can be grueling, scary, humorous, and breath-takingly enjoyable.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6, ESV)
Spontaneous date with Josh: capturing lightning in Northern Ghana
(Taken by Joshua Wagner)
I've definitely had high moments...
meeting people who are so different, yet so similar.
seeing people's faces light up as I speak their language.
eating delightful mangos, pineapples, and avocados.
uncontrollably smiling as I watch my sweet boy discover DIRT!
witnessing my husband guide our son in his first steps on his own at 8 months.
watching my son laugh hysterically at my chasing of chickens.
getting news of a house found in Sierra Leone for our family.
cooking our comfort food - rice and curry.
watching lightning flash through the clear night sky with my love.
receiving starbucks coffee and chocolate from our supervisor traveling from the US.
hearing praise for tying Elijah on my back the Ghanaian way.
watching my (and my husband's) dreams come alive.
hearing the Word spoken in another mother tongue. Beautiful.
Tying E on my back in Northern Ghana (Taken by Joshua Wagner)
I've also had a share of lows...
chasing chickens out of my kitchen.
not understanding anything said around me or knowing anyone around me.
desperately missing church services and liturgy in my heart language.
hand-washing poopy diapers, as my knuckles become raw and I'm pouring sweat.
being stuck without toilet paper.
throwing up Sunday morning from food poisoning, dehydration, or who-knows-what.
watching my Josh lose 15lbs in one week, living on oral rehydration solution and yogurt.
treating my 9mo-old for malaria.
being in a different country from my love for two weeks.
soaking food in bleach.
Keeping E entertained while washing diapers (Taken by Joshua Wagner)
I love my life. I love Africa.
I'm so grateful for this time of learning, thriving, and refining.
I often think about what it's going to be like living among the people to whom God is sending us. Will we be called "stranger," "outsider," "white man/woman"? For a time, no doubt about it. Maybe a long time. Maybe the whole time we're there. What's it going to take to become an insider, to really bond? Giving up hot showers (wouldn't want those anyway), lattes, air-conditioning? Living in local houses and eating local food?
Elijah with our friend Ama, who helped care for him while I was sick.
No. It's deeper than that.
Today, I sat and talked to Josh's Ghanaian best friend about families and extended families. I had heard that a woman is addressed as "our wife," and I wanted to know what that meant. He explained that when a woman is brought into the family through marriage, she not only becomes the "wife" of her new husband, but also all his brothers. They call her their wife. And his parents call her their daughter.
There is more to the relationship: All the brothers are obligated to care for her and any children that are born. They act equally as husbands to her and as fathers to her (their brother's) children. They are respected by her, provide for her and her children, etc. She also inherits the cooking duties for the entire family from the mother-in-law, because his parents are her parents. Extended families are large enormous! This is where relationships are, and relationship is the currency of Africa (previous post).
I'm not sure what it's going to look like in Sierra Leone. I get the impression that this is the West African way. Is it okay to hope for an extended African family? To want to be called "our wife"? Or however it's done there?
Growing up, that's how my parents built relationships as missionaries in Bangladesh. There were local people we were "related to" through my mother and my father, and...those were the relationships that were deep.
Me with my auntie and late uncle (on my mom's side) in Bangladesh.
I was 18yrs old when I took my first class in linguistics. I didn't even know what linguistics was. I just wanted to work with Bible translation. That was 2005. Yesterday, my sister-in-law sent me these pictures of what came in the mail.
M.A. in Applied Linguistics
with a concentration in Bible Translation
Thanks to my husband's support and encouragement, I finished classes when Elijah was 7wks old and my comprehensive exams a few months later. When I heard that I passed and would receive my M.A. I said, "Now, I can be Mom!"
I look forward to seeing how God uses this training for his glory alongside serving in my primary role of wife and mommy. My desire is the same now as when I started -- that I would have the honor of participating in the efforts of getting Scripture into the heart languages of the people.
I have two images to show you a difference between Josh and me:
I bet you can guess which represents Josh and which me.
That very large piece of vinyl (sold by the yard at JoAnn Fabrics) pictured above is mounted on the wall above my husband's desk. It's a stress relieving, prioritizing, clarifying, decision-making tool... for him. He loves it and writes on it everyday with Vis-a-Vis markers. Sometimes I think he's nuts. But mostly, I'm so thankful that God made him like this.
The second picture is my trying to decide on a baby name. That's all.
When I want to process through ideas and emotions, there's nothing like...
a post-it note and a ballpoint pen
a piano
cooking curry or some other deliciousness
writing a blog post or journal entry
We're different.
For over two years, Josh and I have been blending our lives together. As part of learning to wife I've spent a lot of time trying to be the super-systems-using-and-understanding-strategist-wife. He loves when I listen to what the mind map means to him. This is affirming, and yes, even flirtatious. It values him.
But, Josh is encouraging me to embrace the way God has created me and to invest time in activities and subjects I enjoy. This is freeing for me. I'm learning how to rediscover my strengths and develop them through various outlets.
How have you developed your strengths through life's changes?
I've been off work for four weeks, hence the lack of posts. Go figure. It takes me working full-time to post again. Reason: lunch breaks.
I was off to help my Josh recover from a tibial osteotomy he had done on his right leg. Basically, a couple doctors cut his leg in half, inserted a rod at the knee, screwed it all together, and instructed me to turn some screws to rotate his leg 22 degrees. Whew, I'm glad that's over with. Josh is recovering nicely but still has at least 2 weeks off work and on crutches.
Tibial osteotomy = a whole lot of money
Pain meds in the middle of the night = very little sleep
Turning the screws in my husband's leg = wincing
Spending every moment of 4 weeks with the love of my life = PRICELESS!
When I was 13 or so, my dad gave me a ring, a simple silver band, a symbol of purity. I made a vow to him, the Lord, and my future husband that I would remain a virgin until marriage. I wore that ring until November 21, 2009 when my dad slipped the ring to Josh at the altar. Few noticed.
I had always worn my purity ring on my ring finger on my left hand until the year I met Josh. Mom told me that I needed to leave the finger open to show that I wasn't married. Reluctantly, I began wearing my little band on my right hand. Since I was on my way to Africa and not planning to get married anytime in the next three years (at least), I felt this was unnecesary.
Weeks later, I was at a Wycliffe Bible Translators meeting. During the meeting I noticed that I had accidently put my ring on my left hand earlier in the day out of habit. (Give me a break. I wore it that way for over 10 years!) I quickly moved the band over, remembering what my mom had told me weeks earlier.
I met Josh that night after the meeting. He asked me out that night. He wouldn't have if there had been a ring on my left hand, he told me later. (Thanks, Mom.)
Now we're married, and I have a new ring. Josh has my old one hanging above his desk at home. My new ring is to proclaim to the world that I am married to Josh. He picked it out with intentionality.
There are three stones at the top of the ring. The center stone is bigger and stands between the two smaller ones. This represent Christ in the center of our marriage. There are ten little stones, five on each side. (These are ten children! We'll see about that.) I really love this man.
I don't know how accurate it is, but I thought I'd show you a little glimpse of another culture and the importance of symbols of marriage. It may just apply to certain caste. It's an interesting sense of humor anyway.
Vermilion Mark
"In India, bangles, locket and vermilion mark on the forehead are symbols of a married woman. Daily, the husband applies the vermilion on the wife's forehead as it is believed to be connected to his lifeline. When the husband dies, Rudali's (professional mourners) come and strip the woman off these symbols."
I want to give a shout out to my oven liner. It performed over and above last night and deserves recognition. The evening started with making an apple pie. You know where I'm going with this...
It was delicious. (Thanks, Mom!)
The crust was the flakiest in the land.
But, I'm not Mom.
It happens. I'm learning to wife.
It was pretty much the most disgusting pile
of burnt apple pie insides a new wife ever saw.
But when new wife shoved said pile,
it slid right on over and looked like this. True story.
And with a wipe here and a wipe there ...okay it was like one wipe...
I know, right?!
I could hardly believe it myself.
Ask new husband and brother,
I was leaping all over the apartment with joy.
I've been throwing away our can't-see-inside-falling-apart-multiple-sizes-cardboard boxes by the stacks, and I'm replacing them with these.
We looked ridiculous pushing two carts of tubs around Costco, but you know what people were thinking? Organized. That sure was what we were thinking. When I got home, I organized hand-me-down baby clothes from my sister into half a dozen of them - and labeled them by sizes. I'm feeling like a motivated wife.
I pack Josh a lunch everyday, unless work provides lunch. Okay, there have been a few times that I just plain forgot! Yes, I felt so bad. Men need their lunches. Here are some things that I think about to make this easy.
PACKING LUNCH FOR MY HONEY
Cook enough for leftovers the night before. I'm lucky he likes leftovers.
Keep emergency foods in supply... like peanut butter. He loves it. I use it sparingly, so it's like a treat more than a oh-no-I-forgot-your-lunch food. I also send soup cans with him occasionally for a stash for the really forgetful/busy days.
Keep a fruit basket of favorites by the door. He grabs 1-2 everyday if I don't include it in his lunch.
Make easy snacks. I try to keep foods that last several days in portions, like yogurt and boiled eggs. It's super easy when I have this. So worth it!
Have salad toppings on hand. It's amazing how some almonds, craisins, and boiled eggs can make spinach and lettuce so happy, especially with a favorite dressing (and grilled chicken if I think ahead).
Include a note. This turns any lunch good or bad into one of the best parts of his day. Easy!
MY MOTIVATION
The other day I saw a guy quietly loading frozen meal after frozen meal on the belt. I was tempted to say, "You poor thing. You need a wife." I didn't, of course. But I decided that my man isn't going to be ashamed of his meals. My probably motivation is found in his response. Here's a text I got from him today:
Josh: "my wife spoils me" - to coworker as I prepare an amazing gourmet burrito. "looks good" he said as he put water into his ramen noodles.
I thought long and hard about what sort of blog to create. These SAHM (stay at home moms) are so inspiring. Awards should be given. Scrapbooking mom with a home business! 3-month at a time cooking mom! Most creative interior designer! Homeschooling mom! Most kids ever award! How can I compete?
I have a full-time job.
I've been married for 6 months.
I don't have kids.
In the midst of feeling like I have no skills to contribute to society via a blog like all the supermoms out there, I decided to do what I do best - just keep learning. So there you have it, I'm going to share my mistakes, joys, and lessons as I discover how to "wife." After all, it's my favorite thing to do these days.
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